i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
