my shit smells like andre
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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