chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
