after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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