Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize