good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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