If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
