just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
