Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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