the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
