I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize