The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
