You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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