I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this will be a night to untag.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
