I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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