If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
