id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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