pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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