hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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