Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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