Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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