I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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