i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
