i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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