so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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