worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
