Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
