Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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