so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
