he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
