They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
