His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
