I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
