a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
