Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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