Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
