I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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