It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
