I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
