WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
