I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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