im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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