i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Randomize
