dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
