i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
