Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
