The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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