I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
