I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
