I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
