Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
