Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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