I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
