Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
