So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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