I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
