I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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