i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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