hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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