I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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