My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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