I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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