So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
