Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
