her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
