I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
