You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
