I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
