I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
